This came a few days after we were urged to prepare for an evacuation due to the encroaching forest fire.
And this was just after a full week from hosting my first Peaceful Magic Retreat in our newly remodeled home and retreat space.
Retreat. Fire. Breast Cancer.
All within a week.
And yet, I was calm, peaceful and plugged in like I had never been before.
I remember sitting on our almost-finished-new deck after everyone had arrived home from the retreat, and the fire was blazing our beloved forest and heading our way.
We had just completed our major renovations and hadn't changed our insurance to reflect all the changes.
And there was a chance we could loose it all. Our magical property, our sacred home, and all of our savings.
As I sat on the deck, I had so much gratitude and so much peace because I knew what it felt like to create and hold space for such a potent experience during the retreat. There was a sense of being complete, knowing that if this was the only retreat I would ever offer, I had been part of a masterpiece.
And I surrendered. And my hubby surrendered.
We knew that if everything went up in flames we would be okay and we were safe.
While the energy around me in the community felt like a lot of panic, fear and anger around the forest fire, we continued to prepare for the upcoming retreat the next month by making the bunk beds and learning how to best prepare for our potential evacuation.
And then I received the cancer call. (I actually think it came in at the same time of day I am writing this to you! Oh my! That was not planned, just divinely timed, I'd say!)
The news came as a shock, as I'm sure it is for most people. I had expected a normal report. So did my naturopath and all my friends who have had a biopsy, too.
Heck. I was vegan, 44, healthy, and living my dream!!! I was doing all the right things.
But this call shared something different and initiated me into new territory.
I was hearing new words, experiencing a new language, and a new sense of urgency.
All I heard was cancer.... surgeon.... call soon.
I let it all soak in. And then I let the tears roll.
Once I let all the emotions move through me, I was left with that deep sense of peace again. It was the same peace I felt with the fire.
It was in this moment that I chose a trajectory for my experience as I made a declaration to myself. I knew I was going to move through this with a new depth of peace and a whole lot of magic. I was going on an adventure and I was committed to be present, apply all my practices to this experience, let myself be guided and never make a decision out of fear, fighting or wishing it away.
I consider this moment an awakening. Because deep down, underneath my humanness, I knew I was okay and nothing, NOTHING, could hurt me. Regardless of how this cancer journey would end.
One of the intentions at the retreat was for all of us to know and trust our Divine being.
And here she was. Up close and personal. I felt whole, complete, and home.
This is my touch point of the most pure, peaceful and powerful energy that is true and present every day. And it is what allows me to step into the unknown with so much grace and giddiness for what's possible.
I feel inspired to share this with you for sooooooo many reasons.
For one, I want to let you know that when I encourage you to surrender, I have a different understanding about what this means.
Surrender is not a giving up, but a giving in.
I also know what's on the other side of resistance and it's freeing and beautiful.
I know that BEING with something is more important than what you DO with it and this is where the magic and the healing happens.
I know and trust my (and your) capacity to hold and be with the heavy, the dark and scary emotions as well as the light, playful and rainbow emotions, with everything in between.
I know what it looks and feels like to make clean, clear decisions from integrating all the emotions while letting fear and resistance melt away.
This initiation brought a new and deeper spiritual and mystical understanding to my life and I am here to share it with you.
Because YOU can also be attuned to this energy, this potency, this way of being.
And the good news is you don't have to experience a fire or cancer for it to happen! Whew!
The retreats I offer allow you to remember who you are and be with yourself in a new, but familiar way.
You will have your own initiation in a gentle, loving way that will let you know you are an infinite being who is always safe.
You will experience your own inner sanctuary and experience pure peace and pure magic. Because this is who you are, naturally.
I promise it is safe. It is gentle. It is even playful.
And yes, life-altering.
You will be entrained into new energies, but they will feel familiar because you come home to your true, magical and divine self.
You will be able to relax and trust, knowing all is well as you give yourself permission to pursue your dreams and serve others from a new space.
Oh, and how did everything turn out?
Well, the evacuation boundary ended at our street and then it rained.
The cancer diagnosis changed from the kind that required chemo to the one that didn't.
And after 4 months of receiving the call, my cancer journey was complete.
My most recent mammogram came back clear.
As I sit here reflecting on this experience, I feel like it's taken these two years for me to fully integrate all of this and I can say I am more me than I have ever been.
If you've read this far, thank you for letting me share my story. We all have one inside of us and we get to decide how we respond to it, how it shapes us and when we share it.
I truly hope I have the opportunity to be part of your story and welcome you home with wide open arms!
With so much peace, love, and magic,
Throughout the year I offer a few, select opportunities to a small group of women who are ready to experience more play, remember how magical they are, and truly come home to themselves.
All of my retreats are intimate, limited to eight or less women who are ready to master surrender and experience serendipity.
Retreats are either held over zoom or in person at our retreat space in Hood River Oregon.