I've have been living a life of surrender for years, with each year bringing new understanding, deeper trust, and devotion to this way of being.
Seeing how it's made such a difference to myself and those who experience retreats with me, I know without a doubt that it truly is the most powerful place to be.
I've surrendered ....
and even the current state of our world.
And yet there is one thing I haven't been able to surrender fully and that's MY BODY.
I've had moments so I know how light and free it feels, and now I'm ready and willing to be with it in the same way I've surrendered everything else on the list above.
My body image has probably been the longest standing "issue" I've had in my life so I know how potent surrendering my body will be for me. But it's also the most challenging with all the conditioning of beliefs I've taken on over all the years.
Add menopause to the mix and watch things really hit the fan.
Before I continue sharing, I sense there may be a bit of confusion when I speak about surrendering my body or anything else on the list above because we often associate surrendering with a letting go.
If I've surrendered x, how do I still have it?
When we surrender, what we are actually letting go of is the attachment or the manipulation of how we want it to be.
For example, I've surrendered my marriage, but I'm still married but with so much more spaciousness, lightness and delight.
So when I surrender my body, I will still have one, but my relationship to it will be without attachment, expectation or over identification with it.
I used to think that it was all about self-love and loving my body as it is.
And while that has definitely helped me along my journey, I realize for this next evolution and full surrender it has to go even beyond that.
I've been spending all these years searching for the best way to honor my body.
What's the best food to eat, the best exercises, the best schedule, etc.
Recently with the new year, I decided to recommit because it felt like this was my year to really focus on my body and finally get back to being really fit.
So what did I do?
I did what I've always done with my body ... I recommitted, got clear about what I wanted, explored what workout program felt the best for me, set a goal of how many days I would workout and visualized how it would feel.
Within days of implementing my new exercise program, I gained at least a clothing size.
No joke. 😳
I don't have a scale, so I don't know how much weight I gained, but I could feel it in the clothes that used to be roomy.
With it happening so fast, I had no choice but to really see what was happening here.
Even though I was coming from a more loving place, I now know I hadn't fully surrendered.
There was still the sense of dissatisfaction with my body. I wanted it to be stronger. To be more fit, To look better. To be thinner.
And I felt like I had to DO something, create rules, and plans for a certain outcome.
Even though I was "loving it as it is" on some level, I still wanted it to be different.
This isn't a story of "I figured it out and now I'm on the other side."
I'm still in it.
But what I know and what I am actually surrendering is this pattern, my expectation and desire to control or manipulate my body in any way.
And I'm not giving it as much power as I've been giving it over the years, either.
There has not been a day or even an hour that I haven't thought about my body in some way.
And I'm done.
I'm ready and willing to fully surrender my body.
I'm releasing all my agendas.
This feels BIG to me... like a my renewal and rebirth.
Everything else I have surrendered has led me here. Because it is the same practice and way of being, just with something that has been extra sticky for me for so long.
And now I get to use my mastery of surrender here.
I felt like sharing this with you because one, I want you to know that I am practicing surrender right along side you and two, to share the process as I'm in it to give you a better sense of what surrender really is.
Plus, I have a feeling I'm not the only one that has body stuff. 🤣
Right now I am doing what the quote above says:
This is surrender.
I'm noticing all the thoughts, feelings, stories, rules, attachments that are surfacing and then releasing them.
Then I'm in a space to truly receive.
This is the same way I navigated cancer, my business, the pandemic, and everything else on the list above.
And I'm delighted to see what becomes available because of it, with no attachment or need for it to be anything different than it is right now.
So, where have you surrendered in your life already?
And what area is asking to be released of your judgment, your control, your attachment?
Throughout the year I offer a few, select opportunities to a small group of women who are ready to experience more play, remember how magical they are, and truly come home to themselves.
All of my retreats are intimate, limited to eight or less women who are ready to master surrender and experience serendipity.
Retreats are either held over zoom or in person at our retreat space in Hood River Oregon.